Soo what is an arrangement?
Before we can get into what an arrangement is, we should address what an arrangement is NOT. An arrangement is not just sex for money- There's already a term for that kind of dynamic!
Before sugar dating became synonymous to escorting, it was typically thought of to be a relationship between an older wealthy man and a younger beautiful woman. In the fairytale version of this story, she would be showered in gifts, taken on luxurious vacations on private jets and yachts, and would never have to worry about a thing because daddy would take care of it.
Sugar dating has come more into mainstream culture by riding the wave of popularity in porn, hookup culture, and Only Fans. And it's attracted a lot more people on both sides looking to take advantage of this lucrative type of relationship. Unfortunately, the growth has lead to this lifestyle losing its integrity. More men are finding sugar dating to be a slightly more expensive alternative to the one night stands they have on tinder.
The nightmare version of sugardating is the reality of most sugardating sites. Some of the first messages you'll receive are offers to meet at hotel rooms for a fixed price. And as a younger woman starting off in your career, it might sound like a decent trade for the amount of time you have to put in. You start to reason with yourself and compromise on what makes you feel completely empowered. For a while you're so caught up in the glamor of what you've gained because for the first time in your life you start to see that money buys you time, and time is freedom. And so you compartmentalize this part of your life and suppress whatever feelings come up because you're too focused on hustling and getting that bag.
But eventually, it catches up to you. Wether it's hookup culture or actual sex work, eventually you feel burnt out and start to question, am I actually getting the fair end of this? How much is being expected of me vs how much am I actually being supported by this person?
🌟 And when you start to question everything, this is when you really start to find your power. Because once you start being in tune with your mind and body, you can take steps to make sure you're actually fulfilled. Learning to assess your own needs and communicating it with your partner is all about emotional intelligence and the more you work on that, the less resentment will arise. Arrangements should be about clarity and drama free fun. So doing that base level of work will help with your communication and lead to a more rewarding & playful arrangement.
So, let's get into into it. An arrangement based relationship is one where two people explicitly state what makes a relationship work for them at the stage of life they're currently in.
🌟 Expressing what you want or need in a relationship shouldn't be offensive.
Arrangements today can look a bit more practical than the fairytale version laid out earlier. Not everyone who is looking to date is necessarily in the same stages of life. Some people have retired really early, others are non monogamous, some are focused on their studies/careers. All of these daters should have the option to express what type of relationship fits into their life during this time.
🌟 And we all recognize that these needs in the relationship may change over time. Therefore, the relationship doesn't have a set trajectory like most traditional relationships tend to have.
Because both people aren't going into it thinking about forever, it can allow for a more logical dating mindset rather than a super emotional mindset. Daters are free to adjust their needs as their lives change.
🌟 Because there is so much flexibility in this type of relationship, arrangements attract nonconventional people who don't like to follow rules.
They are comfortable with a little bit of uncertainty and are agile enough to go with the flow.
I think once you understand those fundamental elements of an arrangement, everything else like travel, gifts, financial assistance, and all the other benefits that come with the territory are the cherry on top. And we can deep dive into those topics another time ;)